Dear Women, Men are Human Beings

God made man good. Man is sinful. These two statements, though seemingly a paradox, are true of humanity, in which case “man” is used generically to refer to the entire human race. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”

In my study of Bionomial nomenclature in form two Biology, I learnt that man is first an organism, just like plants, then, an animal, then, a mammal, then a primate, then a human being then finally either male or female. While I learned this in the same class as the one that taught me the Darwinian Theory – the very one that I have aptly rejected – I find this classification an apt analogy for understanding the place of man in relationships. Man and woman share most of everything in common apart from the very obvious and unavoidable (just like not all women resemble each other yet they all belong to the female fraternity) diversities that we see in the beauty of creation.

Thus there is on common denominator that defines man and woman: humanity. Both genders report to this inescapable reality, that they are first human beings before they are anything else. Being humans, man and woman share some common characteristics that depict the (Imago Dei) image of God in them. On the other hand there are some definitive features that separate female from male. To the best of my knowledge, and I stand to be corrected, the major difference is physiological. Most of the other supposed differences are culturally instigated, for example the big lie that men do not cry, or rather express their emotions. I say this last part with double certainty because my experience allows me to.

I humbly propose to the ladies that to understand men, they must first seek to understand humanity. In so doing will all cease to label and tag each other with endless name callings but rather will appreciate the limited diversity that abound in the human order. It is true that God made man, and that he made man good. But it is also true that that the hitherto good man is also sinful (Romans 6:23). These two statements, though seemingly a paradox, are true of humanity, in which case “man” is used generically in reference to the entire human race.

All men are potentially good men and consequently good husbands. But also all men have a potential for evil and poor relations just like some women are also potentially evil. The fall and its effect as well as our response to the same are what makes one good or bad (I say this in a specific sense, because I don’t want to open the debate on good and bad). At this point, I need to explain that my assumed readers are godly women or at least women working towards godliness.

What aspects of humanity does a woman need to understand in order to understand man? First, human beings are spiritual beings capable of both good and evil and consequently in dire need for God. Just like the woman, the man too needs God – there is no macho man. A godly woman can only blend with a godly man, there is not two way to it. How to ascertain that a man is godly is your assignment. It is only in relating with God that our evil tendencies are taken away as God fills the void within us that we quite often allow the enemy to fill.

Secondly, women must be contented with the fact that humanity is emotional. Like women, men too are fragile. A man’s strength is his weakness. Men have emotions that culture has taught them to hide. Men desire to be loved, respected, appreciated, and supported. As opposed to women, take time to trust an individual to whom he can confide in and share his feelings with. Thus an understanding woman would be the one who cares to listen to the man and appreciates his situation and not the one who scolds at him and makes him feel like a loser. May I add that most of the times, men have blotted egos. Now ego means edging God out and surely, redirecting a man to God decisively deals with this.

Thirdly, humanity is social. The cultural mandate leaves man with no option other than being relational. It is a concept that is deeply entrenched in the trinitarian theology where at first the triune Godhead is seen as cooperating in creation. The “let us” phrase particularly confirms this. In equal breath, men too are incurable social animals. They love to interact and socialize and detest any separation from the same. Yes, men too love to talk and to cuddle. We just don’t want to make it a public knowledge. Like lawyers, deep down we are very sociable people.

But we like guy things — we need “guy space” for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-boxer action flicks. Sadly, women want to take over, to “female up” what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they’re so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden. I assure you these too can be detestable.

On a more personal note, women need to understand that men are clueless. I wouldn’t know what to do to you if you started crying all of a sudden. I am sure most men, unless they are counselors, might not know how to handle such delicate situations. Making a simple meal, or performing a simple first aid are things that essentially give me nightmares. I just don’t know what to do about stuff. The problem is that we don’t easily admit our fears. One time my uncle asked me to accompany him to a morgue to view the remains of my late aunt. My inner self was shaken but I displayed a manly stature from the outside and so obliged. Little did I know that my uncle too was fearful and I found this out when we got to our destination and he almost ran away had it not been that the attendant had locked the door behind us. I was very scared but never revealed it to date.

Men are also blunt and very liberal with their facts. If you think your dress is nice and you don’t want a negative answer then don’t ask. Just don’t ask me if you are fat or anything, unless you want the real answer – which in most cases is what you don’t want to hear. How else am I not suppose to be a liar and at the same time not hurt you?

We men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted — going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon — suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, “No — we’re a couple now” (translation: “We’re going to do things my way”). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.

While there could be some generalized patterns in men, every woman must guard against the fallacy of generalization. This is the synthesis: The Peril of Collective Judgment. Each Man is individually different and each case must be treated differently. I implore my dear sisters to start from a positive note: the Glass is often half full. Our starting point in every issue determines our conclusions. If because of a separate incidence or experience you carry the bad feeling to every other man you meet then you are possibly swallowing a wrong bait. Commonly misused words like “men are dogs” or “men are liars” are very misleading because indeed, not all men are.

Treat men like human beings because that is what they are and they will treat you like human beings too because that is what both of you are – any deviation leads to a deconstruction of the cultural mandate.